Painting by Charles Haigh-Wood (British, 1856-1927) - Notably called "Gossip."
I couldn't resist using this image. Notice the mannerism of the woman in grey, pressing her hands down on the woman in the blue dress. It's that classic "Oh, there's more" moment we all know when having a little gossip. Even the furniture speaks volumes - imagine how awkward it would be to have just one chair next to that grand sofa. Clearly, she brought that chair over for a juicy discussion. The painting is so relatable - capturing the intensity of gossiping with your girlfriends.
In my previous post, I delved into "people pleasing through gossip culture." Now, let's dive into what to say if you ever find yourself in a similar position to the woman in the blue dress.
Here are some neutral phrases you can use when friends or acquaintances engage in gossip similar to Haigh-Wood's painting:
Listen and Acknowledge: "You seem concerned. Have you spoken to her about it?"
Redirect the Conversation: "Who knows!" - Conclude on a positive note and swiftly move on.
Gracefully Change the Subject: Use one or two-worded statements like "Fair enough" or "Oh well" to discourage dwelling on someone's weaknesses out of envy or sadness.
Set Boundaries with Respect: "If I'm being quite honest, I have nothing bad to say about X - she's just not my type of girl, and clearly not yours, so let's move on before our heads blow up."
Maintain Composure: "Oh really, that's interesting - oh well." If someone you know is mentioned in gossip, and you've heard things about them, act unfazed, unless it's necessary for the protection and care of your loved one.
And now, for alternative responses when dealing with close friends:
Offer Positive Perspective: "But [name], [person] loves you and always speaks so highly of you. Have you tried telling her how you felt? I'm sure she'll listen."
Express Disapproval: "Ouch" - Especially if it's coming from a place of meanness.
Shift the Focus: "I have a feeling that I'm not supposed to know this. Let's move on - How was/is [insert another topic]?"
Choose Silence Over Laughter: Instead of laughing along to avoid saying anything, try replacing it with silence. Practice silence with one friend, and it'll get easier with others.
Highlight Imperfections: "I could see why you'd think that, but you know what? We've/I've probably done worse." - This helps them realize that no one is ever perfect, and we shouldn't be judgmental about our imperfections.
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